Imposter Syndrome is a real drag.

When I was a little, I used to write all the time. I would write poems, short stories, and even started a couple of novels and plays… I LOVED to write and create. It was something I just did for myself. I wasn’t sure if it would ever turn into something, but just doing it for me made me happy.

As I got older, I started to test the waters. As a teen, I dreamed of getting one of my poems or stories published in ‘Chicken Soup for the Soul’. I processed my first heartbreak through writing a poem. I got super excited when we were assigned creative writing projects in school. But the older I got, the less positive the feedback was about my writing. I began to think that as much as I enjoyed writing, I just didn’t have any talent.

Fast forward to the age of the internet. The boom of the blog. I toyed with the idea of starting one as a creative outlet but I didn’t think I had anything to say that anyone would want to read. And then many of my friends began sharing on social media that they had started blogs. It seemed trendy. If I started one, would I really be starting one because I wanted to write and share my thoughts, or would I be starting one because everyone else had a blog and I was jumping on a fad? And then as blogs started to grow and progress, suddenly blog posts were also filled with amazingly beautiful photos of perfectly designed spaces and perfectly chosen outfits taken with fancy cameras in great lighting. Now, I am incompetent when it comes to interior design and fashion. I have never in my 3 years lived in a perfectly designed space. And I do not have great fashion sense. How could I compete? I pushed away any thought of having a blog at that point.

But over the last year I have received a lot of compliments about my use of words. Whether it be in a work email or meeting, or a casual post on social media, I have had people encourage me to explore this form of expression. It is sad that it was a lack of external validation that pushed me away from a writing and an increase in external validation that drew me back to it. But at this moment, I am just glad I am doing this regardless of the path it took for me to get here.

“Some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all — in which case, you fail by default”. – J.K. Rowling

It made me think of all the times in my life I haven’t bet on myself…. All the times I have let my insecurities stop me from pursing a dream or a goal. It is so easy to compare ourselves to others and assume that we are not worthy. So as I move forward with this blog and I write about the things that inspire me or the thoughts I want to share, the photos to accompany my words will be taken in my basement suite, with poor lighting, featuring cat hair covered carpets and mismatched old furniture, all of which was obtained second hand. My outfits will be mismatched. My child will have unbrushed hair. I will share the messy and the ugly and the dirty, and I will be proud of spilling my heart out onto the page. And maybe, just maybe, I will inspire someone else, who thinks they don’t have what it takes, to bet on themselves regardless of circumstance. After all, isn’t that the whole point?